If you were born anywhere from 1993-1997, your first encounter with sports was through Backyard Sports video games. If they weren’t your first encounter with sports, then I feel bad for you and we probably wouldn’t get along.
*Disclaimer* This list will not include Pablo Sanchez for two reasons: 1, he was the best in all of the sports and it would be too easy to include him and 2, he was a SUPER racist portrayal of Mexicans. Super short, tubby, not a lick of english, super fast, incredibly generic latino name. Honestly, the only thing that would have made it worse would have been a little sombrero instead of a backwards hat. So no Pablo. Anyway, here we go:
7. Lisa Crocket
My Backyard Sports was founded with the belief that many homeowners want a higher end, more fulfilling home sports experience but did not realize that it was truly available to them. My Backyard Sports is leading and fulfilling this need. Some homeowners assume the price is out of reach. A masterplan proposing the alternation between indoor and outdoor grounds for play. This urban arrangement creates a cohesive yet porous and open campus. List of Backyard Kids The Backyard Kids are fictional characters in Humongous Entertainment's Backyard Sports series of video games, ranging from 7 to 12 years of age. They live in the Junior Sports Neighborhood, as stated in the first five Backyard Sports games.
Starting out the list we got one of the more overlooked players in all the games, my main girl Lisa Crocket. In Backyard basketball, soccer, hockey, and football, this girl was an absolute WALL on defense. Oh, you have the ball/puck and are trying to score? Sike, thats Lisa’s ball/puck now. In Backyard baseball, girl had light-tower power and could drop bombs with the best of them. Not to mention she did this with a nonchalant attitude and often voiced how much she didn’t want to be there. Raw strength, shitty attitude. Just how I like ’em.
6. Pete Wheeler
Pete has overcome a lot in his life: he is the product on incest, obviously has a learning disability, and definitely grew up in a trailer park. But none that of that stops Pete from being an absolute rocket on the field. Wheels like the late great Al Davis dreamt about, not to mention that he swung the stick pretty well in Backyard Baseball. In all Backyard games, if you needed a simpleton speedster, Pete was #1 on your list (and #1 in all of our hearts).
5. Dmitri Petrovich
“Oh, thats your girlfriend who I have my dick inside of right now? Oops. My bad.” – Dmitri PussySlayer Petrovich. Chubby. Red headed. Russian accent. Window glasses. Fully loaded shirt pocket. On top of all that, he was a pretty productive athlete. I know, I know. Some people get all the luck. Baseball? He had some unexpected pop and some wheels. Football? Tackling machine. Basketball? Well lets just say your girl wasn’t the only thing he made soppy wet. Not to mention he easily had the best trash talk in the game. Another under appreciated Backyard Kid, and an absolute casanova.
4. Annie Frazier
I normally hate hippy tree huggers, but I gotta give respect where respect is due. Far and away the most underrated Backyard Kid, Annie was a goddamn stud. She could flat out play. She RAKED in baseball, had velvety soft hands in football, she was a brick wall in goal in soccer, and as solid as solid gets in basketball. All this plus a super friendly demeanor and probably a great presence on the bench to counteract assholes like Tony Delvecchio.
3. Ernie Steele
Backyard Sports Generics List
Just cracking the top 3, we have the second most racist portrayal of a minority in the game, Ernie Steele. Aside from the speed aspect, Ernie Steele was probably one of the better offensive players across all the games. He could absolutely mash in baseball, and in football he could go up and make every catch. His best sport was basketball (right guys? cuz racism?), where he dominated the post like a young KG. Also, I don’t know if it was just me, but I felt like I could just kick it with Ernie when I was younger, ya know? Maybe I just wanted a black friend. I don’t know. He seemed likable and was good at sports. And he was black.
2. Keisha Phillips
The original bad bitch. You did NOT mess with Keisha. Huge. Sassy. Black. Female (some questions have been raised about this). I think the creators of the games created her as a player, then became too scared that she would come out of the game and beat them up if they made her bad at any sport. So in every single game she was fast and powerful. Every. Single. Sport. I don’t think I even need to go through all of them. Just imagine every sport, then imagine what it would be like for a bad bitch with a ton of strength and speed would be like playing them. Thats Keisha Phillips.
1. Kenny Kawaguchi
“Wow, Rory. What a surprise. Give the nod to the handicapped kid. Standing O for Rory everyone, he cares about the disabled” – you, probably.
That is NOT why I picked him. Well, I guess it is kinda why I picked him. I picked Kenny as #1, because in all these sports, he is doing with pure upper body strength and absolutely no legs. He is wheeling around on those fields, scoring goals, making tackles, fielding grounders, and stealing balls. Was he the better than everyone he played with? No. But was he the best to ever do it from the seat of his pants? You’re goddamn right he was. You give this kid a fresh pair of legs, he is far and away the best Backyard Kid in all of the sports and its not even a question. He was middle of the road without the use of his legs. If he wasn’t bound to his chair prison, Kenny K would have dominated every single kid in the goddamn league. Lets also not overlook the amount of balls it took for a wheelchair bound kid to roll up on Keisha Phillips and the Backyard Crew and say “Whats up motherfuckers, heard y’all play sports or some shit” (100% how that went btw). Talk about breaking down barriers. I see your Jackie Robinsons and Michael Sams, and raise you Kenny MotherFucking Kawaguchi. Roll on Kenny, roll on.
Backyard Football Download
There you have it. Thats the list. If you don’t agree, you’re wrong and I’d like to see you take the time out of your day to make one.
Backyard Sports Cares (BYSC) is the non profit 501(c)(3) division of Backyard Sports, the leading provider of community team sports programs for kids of all ages in Westchester County. Established in 2005, Backyard Sports is committed to replacing today’s “win at all costs” mentality of youth sports with an approach that promotes increased self confidence and a lifetime love of sports while maximizing the athletic potential of each participant. Backyard Sports Cares was created to bring these ideals to children who have limited access to traditional youth sports programs, including children with special needs.